GET RICH OR TRY DYING.

2009-09-29T23:35:00.002-04:00

why new york is awesome:
- during fashion week i saw Ali Michael near st. mark's, and Jessica Stam working out at the gym up the street from my dorm.
- the other day i was crossing Broadway and Mario Batali rode past me on his vespa in ugly orange crocs.
- on sunday i had brunch at a diner two booths over from Sarah Jessica Parker.
- monday night Sean Lennon walked right past me on fifth avenue. SEAN FUCKING LENNON.
- aaaaand this morning, whilst exploring the chelsea galleries i stumbled onto the set of gossip girl and got to gawk full time at Taylor Momsen.

so, yeh. TMZ here i come.

why philly is awesome:
- 2008 world series champs.
- michael vick.
- aaaand you're all there. love youm.

2009-09-24T10:07:00.018-04:00

hey yall,

haven't blogged in a lil bit, but i'm sitting in lab right now, so i figured it's time to start again. lab is essentially six hours of every thursday of my life that i will never ever get back. thank god for blogs. thank blogs for god.

alot's been going on in my life in fabulous new york city. but i don't feel like getting in to that. Soooo, TIME FOR FASHION PORN.

Shoes i am lusting over:

these are an eternal want:

HOW FUCKING COOL ARE THESE?!

aaaaaand, since i'm in new york now, it's time for some fashion week updates. yesterday i saw jessica stam working out in the gym up the street from my dorm, and literally stopped walking to oggle her. which really, by using the treadmill in front of the window, she is clearly asking for. anyway, here are some of my favorite things from the spring/summer ready to wear shows:

TWENTY8TWELVE:

overall i was very unimpressed with twenty8twelve. there was nothing too exciting being shown, and the things i did like were overshadowed by godawful styling, as exhibited in the outfit above. if you take away the vest and hot topic accessories (and dree hemingway's busted mug/hair), then you'd be left with a sweet ass bikini. alas, sienna miller just doesn't know when to say when.

3.1 PHILLIP LIM

philip lim, on the other hand, is always spot on. clean lines as usual, and beautiful use of pattern and texture this season. i'm especially loving the sparkly jacket, as i myself just bought a snazzy black sequined number at a street fair yesterday morning.

i have many more pics to post, but alas, this blog is spanning three days now and it's about time to shut up and post the bitch. i am currently sitting outside, in the smoking section of a 24 hour cafe in alphabet city, sipping coffee and nibbling on a nutella crepe. feelin very college, very european. you need to come here, it's a kitsch filled, patterned wall paper tarentino dream. and last time i was here i found a great pair of dolce and gabbana sunglasses. oh yes, life in the big apple is treating me well.

2009-09-16T03:10:00.002-04:00

times i have slept since waking up at penn sunday morning
- on the c town bus to new york: 30 minutes?
- 4 to 6 am monday morning: 2 hours
- 8 to 10pm monday night: 2 hours
- total: 4 hours 30 minutes

i am post-sleep.

1 <3 [/h8/miss] C0LL3GE

2009-08-21T14:40:00.003-04:00

hey yall! so i haven't blogged in a new york minute, but that's about to change forreall because...

I M IN NEW YORKZ. today i went on a walking tour of the neighborhood today which was nice, but also very very impossibly hot. didn't see kevin carpet, even though i was in union square. :(

basically this is just for you, ty, so we can keep in touch outside of texting/telepathy. i haveta go right now, cause i'm tryna meet up with dave mozarella and get some art supplies, but i'll write more later.

here is a picture from my first night at college. we don't have any mugs, cups, utensils, or plates, and the internet wasn't working:

thank god i brought that straw and tea pot. maybe i will only use those things to eat for the rest of this year, as a kind of performance piece. could help me set myself apart.

some of the kids checking in today are real entry levelers. hope i can watch them transform this year. might do a photo essay.

iight well i actually should go now, i told dave i'd meet him at the park a while ago. PLEASE VISIT ME.

2009-07-22T02:26:00.002-04:00

TO THE THREE PEOPLE THAT [MAYBE] READ THIS BLOG AND AREN'T EMMA--

THIS IS WHERE I HAVE BEEN WASTING ALL MY TIME:

THISPASTWEEK

(OUR OTHER JOINT BLOG IS BEAT FOR NOW. PARTY PIXX R WHERE IT'S AT. JUST WANNA BE INTERNETS F4MOUS.)

LOVE YALL. OVER AND OUT. RIP MICHAEL. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

2009-07-15T19:36:00.006-04:00

heeeyo,

haven't updated ma blog in a hot minute, but here are some things of note that have happened:

- got a black macbook lappy.
- finally set up my big girl ipod.
- got a sweet job temping at a law firm.
- have used the above sentence as often as possible (once, counting now) because it sounds much more official than is my actual job.

kinda feel like i have been born again into my Not In Real Life Online (NIRLO- new acronym anybody? NIMBY!). i hit some pretty low points in the PIB, PMB (post i book, pre macbook, respectively) era of my life. so glad to be back on the internets and part of the world again.

s'weird how without the internet [via al gore] the world just kinda stops. i can't tell you any culturally relevant thing that happened PIB PMB. guess i should try and catch myself up...

think something happened to him, but i'm not positive. probs just released a new album/load onto that little girl.

anyone heard from H-ROD lately? pretty sure she attempted to turn herself into a giant healthcare meme or somethin. not sure how successful she was, although healthcare should be the penn ultimate meme to "go viral".

think some important sport [imsportant] thing might've happened too, but i'm not really positive, because, as a woman, i have been made to feel too gentle and distractible to follow complicated sports rules by society at large. jk. i hate women.

"Roddick simply cannot play better than he did in that match. And he lost. Because he is not Roger Federer. Andy Roddick spilled his blood and guts all over the All England Lawn Tennis & Croquet Club grass for four hours and sixteen minutes, wringing every ounce of his talent and will. And he still lost. He finished in second place, which is really last place: Just ask the Buffalo Bills, Mothra, or Al Gore."

- Will Leitch

OH SNAP! I JUST MENTIONED AL GORE A FEW PARAGRAPHS AGO, AND I HADN'T EVEN READ THAT QUOTE YET. guess i'm still relevant after all.

xoxo, gossip girl.

bonus politicure: so much kente cloth, so little time.

this just in:

2009-07-06T19:54:00.005-04:00

DMITRY MEDVEDEV SOUNDS LIKE A FAKE NAME.

young boul kinda foxy though, naw mean?

BROS 4 LYFE:

RIP SARRIE PALIN

2009-07-04T18:20:00.003-04:00

MISS U. // <3 U // H8 U.

heeeyo, just heard that the most influential politician of our time, sarrie palin has decided to resign. so sad, rilly wanted her to be president in 2010. :( miss voting. hope she continues to do her annual thanksgiving festival.

my predictions as to what sarah palin will do now:
- raise her daughter's baby
- go on hunting vacations with dick cheney
- become paris hilton's new bff

srsly though, i hope this isn't the last we hear of this crazy bitch.
as much as she made me fear for my life and the golden reputation of our country, i did rilly have a soft spot in my heart for her. what will the famed female comedienne liz lemon do for work now that palin is extinct??

SPEAKING OF AMERICA...

what are yall's plans for this, the great and sacred day of our nation's birth? are you going to show your nationalism by WRITING A NEW DECLARATION??

still computerless BUT...

2009-07-02T20:12:00.004-04:00

hey yall, just started an awesome new co-blog with ma gurl e ballen. ima still write in here on da real tip, but you should also check us out because we are awesome and we talk about the mythic art of fellatio:

CLICK ME CLICK ME CLICK ME CLICK ME

BLOW ME BLOW ME BLOW ME BLOW ME

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK

yeah das rite, i got two blogs and i aint even gots one computer. now that's dedication.

WHY CRUEL WORLD?!?

2009-06-29T14:27:00.006-04:00

CAN'T REALLY EVEN BLOG WITHOUT CRYING RITE NOW. SO SAD ABT BILLY MAYS; THIS IS JUST THE ICING ON THE SHITTY SHITTY DEATH CAKE THAT HAS BEEN THE WORLD SO FAR. FIRST MY IBOOK G4, THEN ED, JACKO, FARRAH, AND NOW POOR POOR BILLY MAYS?!? WHY, DEAR LORD, WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU TAKE SUCH A MAN FROM US WHO HAS DONE NOTHING MORE THAN WANT TO SCREAM ABOUT THE PLEASURE THAT COMES FROM GETTING ICE CREAM STAINS OUT OF A WHITE CARPET WITH EASE????

EVERYTHING I KNOW HAS BEEN SHATTERED. FEEL LIKE A NEWBORN/ VICTIM OF AMNESIA [VIA A HORRIBLE ACCIDENT]. HOPE I LEARN IT ALL AGAIN IN DESIGN SCHOOL NEXT YEAR. :/

the only thing giving me solace right now is the possibility that this might exist:

OH, AND ALSO THESE BAD BOYS.

2009-06-28T00:31:00.003-04:00

don't really know how to feel in a post michael jackson world.

it's like the scab that's only just begun to heal since poor heath's death has been ripped right off, and then spit on by the ghost of farrah fawcet. h8 when mainstream celebs die. makes the inevitability of death seem so much more real. hope heaven is like MJ's creepy ranch, minus 400billion $$ of debt.

kinda think mikey mighta been the real cause of the economic downturn. :(

2009-06-25T00:17:00.007-04:00

“I will pour out my wrath upon you and breathe out my fiery anger against you; I will hand you over to brutal men, men skilled in destruction.”

Ezekiel 21:31

goddam... literally.

dear fashion: probably shouldn't have quit my job. <3 u so much. ttyl.

2009-06-22T14:28:00.013-04:00

i would sell myself into white slavery for these impossible-to-believe-they-actually-exist-holy-grail-of-sneaks/boots from margiela's fall winter 07 men's "haute couture" (which doesn't technically exist in men's so really means artisanal) collection:

in case you haven't dropped dead of the beauty that are those shoes, here's some other fancy stuff to peak your interest...

i've always been a fan of backless anything. it's all so, hate to see you leave...

...but i love to watch you go! (dress by rick owens.)

and speaking of quitting jobs and fashion... guess even major[ly ridiculous] labels aren't recession proof. h8 u economy.

now for recent collections... here's some Alexander McQueen Fall 2009 RTW
apparently he got all environmental on err one's ass. not too sure how i feel about it; the overall collection was a little busy for me, but then again his stuff usually is. here's one of the more laid-back flowery dresses of the collection. i do like it, though of course if you don't have the enviable stomach of chanel iman you're bound to look like sausage:

this is from the same collection, and is the real reason why i love him; simple cuts and colors with an undeniable mcqueen edge (modeled by anna jagodzinska):

found it very reminiscent of the suitcase he did for samsonite's black label way back when (which i am still lusting after):

and as a final fashion parting gift, here's my 3[.1] favorites from the 3.1 Phillip Lim Spring 2009 RTW collection, modeled by arlenis sosa, amanda laine, and anya kazakova, respectively:

^when i saw that i actually gasped out loud. WANT WANT WANT^

iight, that's enough mindless girly nonsense for me, now for some meaningful news: IRAN IS BEING A FGGT. i learned today that 40% of americans are under the age of thirty, whereas that same demographic makes up 60% of iran. that's pretty crazy when you think that their government assumes they can be major douche bags and not get called out on it. times are changing, dudes, srsly, just chill out and be fair and let your people express theyselves.

rilly "proud" of all the activists. if my minimum wage job didn't require me to wear all black, i might consider wearing green to express my solidarity. might make an arm band tonight or something to show that "i get it". kinda wish bush was still president now so we could make supreme leader ayatollah ali khamenei/vice pres "face shooter" cheney correlations.

*blogged from a borrwed macbook lappy @ my mom's office. still w/o computer @ home. might go crazy. going through withdrawal, tapping my fingers against table tops and speaking in abbrevs just to get through the day. :(

"CAPS SO NECESSARY."

2009-06-20T14:52:00.010-04:00

THE ABSOLUTE WORST HAS HAPPENED. MY COMPUTER FINALLY GAVE UP. WRITING THIS ON MY MOM'S MACBOOK. MISS THE iBOOK G4 AND THE ALTERNET. DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN LIVE LIKE THIS. MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO BLOG FOR A WHILE. MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO UNCURL MYSELF FROM A FETAL POSITION FOR A WHILE. THANK GOD I'M GETTING CABLE THIS WEDNESDAY. WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES...

RIP iBook G4
October 23, 2003 - June 19, 2009

Although you were officially discontinued on May 16, 2006, you managed to pull through for more than three years, much like a cancer patient who is given a limited amount of time to live, but through external hard-drives and/or alternative medicine continues to fight the good fight for longer than could have ever been expected only to inevitably die anyway. I will always love and cherish the time we spent together, as you were my first ever mac. I'll never forget how hard it was to get used to closing windows on the opposite side, and having a mouse with no right click. It was your clean and simple aesthetic paired with your unbeatable performance that may or may not have peaked my interest in design. You'll probably be buried in the same drawer where i keep my old iPod and cell phones, as i am a sentimental sort and can't bring myself to ever throw anything away/ don't really know the proper "green" procedures for disposing of old technology. Maybe one day i'll show you to my grandkids in the same way my grandparents show me pictures of their gramophones and walkmen. I'll always <3 and miss u.

2009-06-19T14:38:00.003-04:00

hey yall, i'm posting this from the print liberation store at the plaza or some shit in no libs. feelin pretty hip right now, sittin next to ma gurl e ballen and listening to CHIDDY BANG!!

kind of intimidated by the caps lock printed shurts. wish my shirt was printed with caps, or at least from am appy, instead of an enormous blue and white striped men's shirt (dress) (am appy look a like) from the salvy.

speaking of, has anyone tried salvia? i don't really like how close it is to saliva; gives me bad associations, kind of like those dogs that were in that movie about that composer.

anyway, i guess the point of this is how I THINK CAPS LOCK IS THE FUTURE (ESP. IN HELVETICA). BASICALLY IT MAKES EVERYTHING YOU SAY SEEM URGENT AS SHIT, WHICH IS KIND OF REFRESHING FOR ME, SOMEONE THAT USUALLY ISN'T VERY INVESTED IN MUCH OF ANYTHING. ALSO, WHEN FACED WITH A LARGE PARAGRAPH, PEOPLE GENERALLY DIRECT THEIR ATTENTION TO THE PART THAT IS HIGH LIGHTED IN SOME WAY, SO WRITING IN ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME PROVES THAT EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS SERIOUSLY LEGIT.

bleep blap bloop i don't really have much to say. ay yo, check this out and never talk shit on david letterman again cause he's the fuckin boss (and also chooses which musical guests perform on his show so like, fuckin, mad good taste):

PEACE.

2009-06-17T23:21:00.003-04:00

NOM NOM NOM

dear tyler:

2009-06-17T17:02:00.006-04:00

[this is an installment where i write to you specifically, via not being able to cmnt on yer posts, (via my computer living in the alternet) aka this entire blog.]

things i want to discuss with you that you may need to remind me of due to my increasingly faltering (i'm hoping writing that will jinx it back to excellence) memory:

1. sleep, and how i am mesmerized by it in the same way that we think fruit is amazing.
2. babies (and their relation to my above stated feeling).
3. the fact that maybe we only value things in such a way because we continuously live in the alternate universe?
4. ug crush (you need to get caught up/ help me unravel the a?-bi?-hetero?-homo?-no? sexual mystery).
5. einstein's dreams, which i plan on beginning tonight.

< /tyler only installment > (that is an html joke. someone please put me out of my misery.) (i have used a lot of parenthesis in this post.)

2009-06-11T15:00:00.009-04:00

so it's come to my attention that my blog and the comments i post from it to your blogs appear differently to you than they do to me. i think this is because my computer is an iBook G4, which sounds fancy, but is actually just the before photo to the amazing pill induced transformation to all yall's trendy "macbooks", and has the functional capabilities of one former terry schiavo.

i also like to think that my computer exists in an alternate internet universe (or alternet) than most other computers, so to me, my blog is aesthetically pleasing and minimalist while to you it may seem jumbled, or leave comments posted by some "peppermint tea" bitch. if this is or has been the case, then i offer to you my most sincere apologies.

if that is not the case, then i still apologize, as i am a sinner under the lord jesus christ, and am in a confessory mood.

peace be with yall.

bonus: here is a minnesota public radio recording of the new jenny lewis song "just like zeus". change hxxp to http and you'll be directed to the download:
hxxp://www.mediafire.com/?xki5zommyzz

dear fashion: stop being so far away from me (and my budget).

2009-06-07T15:57:00.010-04:00

this is an installment where i pretend i am a well read fashion blog, instead of just a normal blog with three followers---

hey yall, been looking at fashion on the internet today. i was in new york yesterday, so i guess i'm just feeling rilly like, stylish or something. hope it's not "just a phase" as mom would say lololz. anyway, here's some stuff from recent "resort" collections. i've never been to a resort, but i imagine this is what everyone at them wears (instead of socks with sandals and hawaiian print shirts via tourism).

RAG AND BONE RESORT 2010
model: yulia kharlaponova

everything in this collection is perfection. it could be argued that what really makes this is the styling, and not the design of the individual pieces, but like, are you even seeing this? the layering, the colors, the cuts, (the turbans!!!), all of it is magnificent, and when you put it on that gal especially, look out world.

ALEXANDER WANG RESORT 2010
model: abbey lee kershaw

wang gets a lot of shit from a lot of people, but clearly they are trash. i will admit however, that the shoes are less than perfect. he's obviously very fond of them as they are in every photo, but they just make her legs look weird. or maybe she just has weird (ie, non "freed from the holocaust") legs. still, i think she was a magnificent choice for these; in some shots the lines of her body juxtaposed with the clothes are unbelievable. and props for never changing your face, girly. very paper doll.

ANNA SUI RESORT 2010
model: ginta lapina

sui's collections are usually pretty good, but this was very hit and miss. there was no overall theme and everything lacked organization, right down to the photos (hopefully tacky on purpose). and i'm sorry, but could the model be on anymore meth right now? probably not a good choice if you are still trying to argue that your collection wasn't pulled out of the discount bins at wal mart. nevertheless, i do really enjoy these three:

tried to find everyone's profiles on lookbook, but all i found were tweens. :/

2009-06-07T12:44:00.008-04:00

i have had the same thought every single day for the past four years.

2009-06-05T20:01:00.003-04:00

i've been thinking a lot about babies recently. in the past few months or so i've been getting occasional pangs (call it melancholy?) of wistfulness and experiencing (almost out of body) what it might be like to love something so much that you can't do anything else. and how of course, that's such a set up for failure, because undoubtedly this thing that you love will grow up to disappoint, and then resent you for expecting anything of it at all, because to expect anything from anyone (especially if you are biologically inclined to idolize that person) is kind of ridiculous, unless that person is you. but such is life and the fault of humanity, i suppose.

to get on with things, i have found myself really wanting a baby. not a shitty one, of course, but just a chill lil bro i could hang with and dress up and expound my vast knowledge on, and also talk to like it was a grown up; "oh stop that crying, if you want something just tell me what you'd like in a reasonable tone, jesus christ, baby, act like a fucking adult, you're so immature sometimes", and maybe teach to smoke or tattoo.

for these reasons i don't think i'd make the best candidate for either mother or baby sitter. but baby borrower... someone should start that service. like a pound, but for babies. oh, is that an orphanage? or are those foster children? maybe i can just get a reality show where i am very insensitive towards babies in order to expose them to the real world and not give them any false hope. oooh, maybe it could be some sort of study and then we will monitor the effect my cold attitude has on their lives! sign me up, nat geo!

but freal, who wouldn't want to do this? these babies are gonna grow up to be amazing/maybe terrorists:

bonus!! future of cool babies a.k.a. kanye is a biter and a copycat a.k.a. duh:

rip shutter shades. miss u.

2009-06-03T21:59:00.011-04:00

two poems with common themes that i love very much and quote pieces of forever in my head on loop (mainly this is in your interest, lind, cause i've been meaning to tell you about them, and i think you are the only person who reads this blog. which i guess makes it more like a diary than a blog, as we are basically the same person. also, i still haven't read what you e-mailed me, but i am really looking forward to it.):

choosing to think of it

&&

things to do in the belly of the whale

oh also, my computer won't let me comment on your blog. but if i give you a blank cd can you burn me what you have by the collective of grizzly pandas?

k thx bye.

2009-06-01T22:37:00.011-04:00

the following picture is the most accurate representation
of how i would like my life to be (but also with guns):

lately i've been feeling really good about this whole economic crisis thing. i think it is something that will greatly benefit our country, and possibly the world as well, by extension*. i think that this is the sort of humbling return to simplicity that people have secretly been hoping for but never had a means to achieve; finally, we have reached a point where the dollar is low and whole stores have ceased to exist, finally we are cutting back and cutting off and if i never see another pontiac again i will not miss it.

i'm all for the closing of companies and organizations, and in truth really resent the shit ton of bailout money that is being handed out to seemingly everyone but me. i think that really, everyone that is not a major ceo of [insert any current floundering company/organization here] and that did not make poor decisions leading to said failure should be free to wash their hands of the situation and let the companies go belly up; there are enough cars in the world as is, i think that america should pull out of the automotive industry all together. we can shut all the plants down and turn them into the homeless shelters that we will undoubtedly need more of given the unavoidable layoffs, and just use the cars we have, keep em till they rust into the ground, cuba style, so that fifty years from now your mom's pre owned camry might seem like something cool.

i want to flip through new history books centuries from now and see it all mapped out; the timeline of regression, the shutting down of everything, the landscapes that evolve in department stores and on assembly lines, the shy and simple smile on the face of a nation that owns nothing but necessity, and knows in hindsight's perfect vision that that is enough.

*contrary to occasional misconception, i do not, nor have i ever had hair extensions.

2009-05-15T01:39:00.007-04:00

F1RST!!!!!

so, i made this a while ago (not tryna hop on any band wagons lololz) but i'm only really posting now cause i see that some of you (essentially all two of you that are reading this, but maybe not even two, probably just tyty [hey bro!!]) have obtained web blogs of your own. so maybe now we can keep in touch on a more personal level than facebook, while still avoiding the phone/real social interaction altogether.

probs won't update this too often as my life right now is just coffee and other general anxieties. hope i can go to some cool shows soon or something (anco 2.0?!), so that this blog can progress to become more 'culturally relevant'.

ok, bye guyssss. <3 u.