i've been thinking a lot about babies recently. in the past few months or so i've been getting occasional pangs (call it melancholy?) of wistfulness and experiencing (almost out of body) what it might be like to love something so much that you can't do anything else. and how of course, that's such a set up for failure, because undoubtedly this thing that you love will grow up to disappoint, and then resent you for expecting anything of it at all, because to expect anything from anyone (especially if you are biologically inclined to idolize that person) is kind of ridiculous, unless that person is you. but such is life and the fault of humanity, i suppose.

to get on with things, i have found myself really wanting a baby. not a shitty one, of course, but just a chill lil bro i could hang with and dress up and expound my vast knowledge on, and also talk to like it was a grown up; "oh stop that crying, if you want something just tell me what you'd like in a reasonable tone, jesus christ, baby, act like a fucking adult, you're so immature sometimes", and maybe teach to smoke or tattoo.

for these reasons i don't think i'd make the best candidate for either mother or baby sitter. but baby borrower... someone should start that service. like a pound, but for babies. oh, is that an orphanage? or are those foster children? maybe i can just get a reality show where i am very insensitive towards babies in order to expose them to the real world and not give them any false hope. oooh, maybe it could be some sort of study and then we will monitor the effect my cold attitude has on their lives! sign me up, nat geo!

but freal, who wouldn't want to do this? these babies are gonna grow up to be amazing/maybe terrorists:





bonus!! future of cool babies a.k.a. kanye is a biter and a copycat a.k.a. duh:



rip shutter shades. miss u.